I was ever so pleased by the comment made by my husband to our six year old daughter last night at the dinner table after she asked, “Mommy, may I have some more juice please?” He complemented her about how nicely she had made her request and how pleased he was with her table manners. I could not help but smile and give myself an invisible pat on the back after all of the effort that continues to go into rearing my children. Believe me, it is not an easy task and it almost seems counter-cultural in these days of shorthand online jargon and “sex-ting”, however, I would be derelict in my duties as a parent if I neglected to school my children in the mores of civilized society.
Presently, I am a work-at-home mom living in the South- the Bible belt as it were-after escaping the rat race to devote more time ministering to my family, and “yes, ma’am; no, ma’am” are terms uttered in this part of the country without a blink. I have not specifically instructed my children to respond in such a formal manner, but my little one has learned this proper protocol from listening to the neighborhood children, Sunday school teachers, and school officials. In contrast, I grew up on the liberal “left” coast, and frankly, such phrases were practically unheard of- much to the chagrin of my southern-bred spouse. As a matter of fact, in my hometown it is not unusual these days to find youngsters addressing their parents, or other authorities, by their first names. My children tried that with their friend’s parents…once!
Like any other good habit, instilling values and good manners in a developing child comes with much patience and diligence. Kind words should be ingrained before your child even begins to speak, and should be insisted upon at every juncture. Although we naturally give our children our native language, ultimately, we need to establish our roles as parents and not that of buddies or playmates- this takes confidence and nerves of steel at times. Even if you missed the most opportune period during your child’s first five impressionable years to instill habits of good manners, it is never too late- though admittedly the task becomes a bit more daunting as the child advances and moves further away from the nest. My tip is to start with small steps and to start now! It may seem strange speaking to your children in formal tones, however, the important thing to remember is that you are not raising children, but rather you are “raising adults” who will one day need to successfully enter society equipped with self-confidence in their humility and a voice to call their own shots. These are the lasting effects of etiquette and good manners.
